Prayer and Fasting (June 2013) - Day 12
ORIGINS

Church Bulletin Bloopers

BloopHere is a collection of humorous church bulletin bloopers (typographical errors) ...

* Evening massage - 6 p.m.

* Don't let worry kill you. Let the church help.

* Thursday night ... pot luck supper. Prayer and medication will follow.

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church.

* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery down stairs.

* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

* Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

* The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

* At the evening service, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptised at both ends.

* Tuesday at four there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk please come early.

* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the church basement Friday.

* The Reverend Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the congregation.

* The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing,  ‘Break Forth Into Joy."

* Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

* The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

* The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who laboured the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

* Men's Prayer Breakfast. No charge, but your damnation will be gratefully accepted.

* This morning’s sermon: “Jesus walks on the water”. Tonight’s sermon: “Where is Jesus?”

* During this morning’s meeting, be sure to smile and say hell to someone new.

* Ladies, don’t forget our rummage sale. Here’s a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping. Bring your husband along.

[Source Unknown]

 

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength." Prov 17:22. NLT

Comments

Good stuff Mark!

I love it, the funniest thing I've read in years!!! If you can write a book with them, it would be a best seller.

I laughed so hard, my dog came to check if I was alright! Loved it! Still laughing...

laughter is the best medicine, I love this post!, thanks Ps Mark!

Funny - Have sent it out to all our email prayer chain members

Mark,

It is good to know that our church are made up of real people, making real mistakes, making real bloopers, making us having a real laugh.

Hi! Jeff,

Can I ask for clarification please? Did you imply that the bloopers happened at CityLife? If so, I believe that is an incorrect assumption. At the bottom of the post on the left before the Prov. scripture says the source is unknown. Just thought I needed to clarify this. CityLife real bloopers do occur but I wonder if someone is willing to keep record of it and post it just for laughs! ;-) Over to you, Mark.

Shereen,

Thanks for your clarification. My sincere apologies to Mark and CityLife Church. What I meant to type was "churches" and not "our church". Mine was definitely a blooper too.

God Bless

No, these are note from our church (fortunately!) - just a collection from various sources. A good laugh all around!

Hi Mark,
Here is a "true story" about a guy who became an atheist crusader immediately after reading "The God Delusion"
God Bless
Denis


************************************************
In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation of Easter and Passover holidays. He decided to contact his lawyer about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared, "Case dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah...yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!"

The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, "Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much less celebrate his own atheists' holiday!"

The lawyer pompously said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be, your Honor?"

The judge said, "Well it comes every year on exactly the same date---April 1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as 'April Fools Day,' consider that Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture, he is a fool, and April 1st is his holiday! Now have a good day and get out of my courtroom!!"

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