Connecting Skills - 5. The Art of Forgiveness
Connecting Skills - 7. The Art of Encouragement

Connecting Skills - 6. The Art of Loving Confrontation

Confront Jesus took time to lovingly confront people when they needed it – his disciples, the religious leaders, and the crowd.

We all have blind spots – things about us that we don’t see. We need others to show us these areas and help us to grow and change. The apostle Paul tells us to learn to ‘speak the truth in love’ to one another (Eph.4:15). We all need truth-tellers. The truth can set us free. Some people speak the truth but not in a loving manner while others are so loving that they never speak the truth.

We all need to be lovingly assertive, when appropriate. Avoid being overly assertive which leads to aggression. Avoid being under-assertive, allowing people to walk all over you.

Confrontation is not easy. In fact, it can be very difficult. We all fear being disliked. We may be afraid of making things worse. However, usually it is the attitude in which you confront that makes things worse, not the confrontation itself. We may fear rejection. We may find it difficult to share our feelings. We may think that confrontation will destroy love and trust. Actually, if done correctly, confrontation can build more love and trust into the relationship.

We can confront without hurting. We must not hang on to our anger and hurt. We need to take responsibility for our feelings. Share your feelings and thoughts honestly and openly. Always seek to maintain the relationship. Have the courage and the consideration to confront lovingly.

Assertiveness and confrontation always need to be done with the right spirit. We should not be either overeager or too hesitant to confront. We should confront, not because it makes us feel good, but because we are committed to the quality of our relationships. Confronting with the right spirit comes out of having the right goal in your confrontation.

Is there someone you need to have an open and honest conversation with? Don't leave it any longer. Ask God for wisdom to speak the truth in love ... as soon as you can. I think you'll be glad you did.

[Part 7]

Comments

Mark, I am so blessed by your sharing over the past few days. Heard your message but nothing like reinforcing it again in the blog. Will be praying for the Lord's help to hone some of these skills.

Susie is right. I have been following this recent thread on "Connecting Skills" and using it practically daily with my interactions at home, at work, with my relatives & friends. We can all practise the skills & be blessed with "world peace" : ) PRACTICE - Just do it!
Mei Cheah

Mark just love reading you blog and love City Life Church thanks for input in my self development Katrina

Sometimes I think 'christian morality' also gets in the way of feedback (and you are right, confrontation is one of the number 1 things that ppl avoid).

I like to approach it as a learning experience, rather different approach than moralising. This has seemed to work well even in some serious issues that I have had to approach at work.

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