Mark Conner's Space

Marriage God's Way (Pt.1)

Better Relationships

We're currently doing a series of messages at our weekend church gatherings based on Paul's letter to the Ephesians. This weekend we picked up some of Paul's thoughts for better relationships. These are often referred to as the ‘household codes.’ Paul addresses husbands and wives (Eph.5:21-33), parents and children (Eph.6:1-4), and finally masters and slaves (Eph.6:5-9). Just prior to this Paul noted that God calls us to live life carefully, knowing his will and making the most of every opportunity. We are not to get drunk with wine but we are to be continually filled with the Spirit. Paul describes the results of the Spirit-filled life as people whose lives are marked by singing, thankfulness, and mutual submission (Eph.5:15-20). Positioning ourselves to be continually filled with the Spirit is crucial to building the kind of loving relationships that God’s desires for us. Without the Spirit’s power and enablement we can easily degenerate into our old habits patterns of relating from a self-centred perspective.

Mutual Submission

Paul begins this section on relationships with a call for all believers to submit to one another (Eph.5:21). We are all called to self-giving love and humility modelled by Jesus himself. We are to consider others better than ourselves and to look to other people’s interests, seeking to serve them in any way we can (Gal.5:13. Phil.2:3-4. Rom.12:10). All believers are to place themselves under others in the spirit of humility. Unfortunately, for many the very word ‘submit’ implies a passive and weak approach to life. However, neither Jesus nor Paul was a weak person but they did choose to treat other people with respect and love. The call to mutual submission is the context for all that Paul says about marriage, parenting, and relationships between masters and slaves.

Marriage in the First Century

The society that Paul lived in was completely patriarchal (dominated by men). It was a terrible time for women as they were viewed as being inferior to men and were given relatively little freedom. They received minimal education, could not be witnesses in a court of law, had less economic independence, could not adopt children or make a contract, and typically were kept from public life. When girls married (usually between age twelve and sixteen), they were expected to take the religion of their husbands. They were either under their father’s, their husband’s, or some other male relative’s authority all their lives. Roman law gave husbands complete authority over their wives, who were in many ways seen as the husband’s possession.

Into this environment, where the devaluation of women was the cultural norm, the Christian faith brought amazingly good news for women through the gospel of the kingdom. Jesus allowed women to be his disciples, they were the first witnesses of his resurrection and were sent to proclaim to the men that he had risen, they received the outpouring of the Spirit on the day of Pentecost, they were given spiritual gifts to serve the church, and they ministered and led within the church community (it should be noted that any restrictions placed on women ministering in the early church were temporary and they were given within dysfunctional church communities, whereas in healthy environments, ministry was based on gifting and godliness, not gender). In fact, Paul boldly declared that, because of Christ, gender distinctions, though still existing, were no longer grounds for prejudice or discrimination with the community of faith (Gal.3:28).

Can you imagine the potential uproar that this new freedom for women may have caused within society at that time? Paul’s concern was always for the credibility and the advance of the gospel (see Titus 2:5). Interestingly, he didn’t attack or seek to overthrow the structures of how society worked in his time. For instance, he didn’t seek to abolish slavery, overthrow dictatorial Roman government, or overturn a patriarchal approach to relationships. His focus was primarily on how Christians should live out their faith with the context in which they found themselves (see Eph.6:5-9, Rom.13:1-7 and Eph.5:21-33). However, he did give his greatest challenges to the ones with the most power in that culture – husbands, parents, and masters. He pushed them towards love, kindness and consideration because of the grace that is in Christ Jesus.

Because Paul wrote at a time when wives were expected to submit to their husbands (in the same way that slaves were expected to obey their masters), he affirmed that arrangement (Eph.5:22-24, 33) but balanced it with a reminder to husbands that they were to always act in love, which would have directly affected the way that they expressed their authority (Eph.5:25-33). He also redefined the man’s leadership as being that of a servant who acts with self-giving love like Christ. Interestingly, Paul’s directions to the wives to submit and to the husbands to love are instructions given to all Christians as to how they should act towards each other.

[Tomorrow - Marriage Today]

Aussie Men are the Least Desirable Husbands!

A recent study conducted by Oxford University revealed that Australian men are the least desirable husbands when it comes to housework and helping with the children. With Aussie men, it seems that their passion for beer and sport takes precedence over doing the washing up. Aussie men are still perceived as being Steve Irwin and Crocodile Dundee types for whom a kitchen is largely unexplored and dangerous terrain. For single women, this only reinforces the old joke - ‘You start off sinking into his arms, then you end up with your arms in his sink.’

My fellow Aussie mates, we have work to do! This is an appalling result. We can do much better than this.

The report reveals that Swedish men make ideal husbands – not because of their Viking good looks, but because they are most likely to help with the housework.

The study, led by economist Dr Almudena Sevilla Sanz, set out to find the countries with the highest proportion of egalitarian men – those who have no problem strapping on an apron and doing their fair share of the housework.

Click here to read an article about this in the Sydney Morning Herald.

Spiritual Abuse (Pt.4)

So how do you recover from spiritual abuse?

Here are a few suggestions:

Find a safe place. God does not require you to stay in a place or a group that is abusive in its leadership. Be bold and courageous and move on.

Find some safe relationships where you can process what has happened. Share with others who you can trust. Talking to a qualified Christian counselor can be very helpful. Bring your feelings and experiences out in the open.

Allow your mind to be renewed. Spiritual abuse tends to distort the truth. Seek perspective on what has happened and why it has happened.

Give yourself time to heal. Allow your soul to be restored. Spend time in worship and in God's presence asking him to heal you. Experience his love and care. Prayer ministry can be a very powerful tool in this process.

Also, remember that it will take time to learn to trust again. Once you have been hurt, you are very vulnerable and it is easy to project your past experiences on to new situations. Go slowly and walk carefully. Give new people in your world opportunity to show their trustworthiness.

Click here for a list of additional resources that may be of help to you.

Finally, church leaders, let's do our best before God to create healthy environments free from spiritual abuse so that God's people can thrive as he desires them to. Let's also realise that leaders can be abused too. Unfair criticism and gossip can cause deep wounds in the hearts of leaders. Treat them with honour and respect. The writer of the book of Hebrews puts it this way ...

"Remember your leaders who taught you the word of God. Think of all the good that has come from their lives, and follow the example of their faith ... Obey your spiritual leaders, and do what they say. Their work is to watch over your souls, and they are accountable to God. Give them reason to do this with joy and not with sorrow. That would certainly not be for your benefit." [Hebrews 13:7, 17. NLT]

That doesn't mean we should put leaders on a pedestal. After all, leaders are part of the church community too. They have simply been given gifts to lead and they must be faithful to use them well, just like those who have other spiritual gifts.

The church of Jesus Christ should be the safest place on the planet. Unfortunately, that isn't always so. What do we do about that - give up on the church? No. Let's work together to make the church what God intends it to be. After all, Jesus said that the world would know that we are his followers NOT by the size of our congregations, not by our nice buildings, not by our anointed ministry, and not by our depth of revelation BUT simply by our love - how we treat one another (John 13:35). That's the kind of church that Jesus longs to see. Let's work together to make that a reality in our time.

Spiritual Abuse (Pt.3)

For those of who have leadership roles, it is important that we understand how God wants us to carry out our responsibilities. The apostle Paul had been given great authority to plant churches and give them leadership. However, the way he handled his authority was very imoportant. Read these quotes from a few letters he wrote to a church in the city of Corinth ...

"For even if I boast somewhat freely about the authority the Lord gave us for building you up rather than pulling you down, I will not be ashamed of it." [2 Corinthians 10:8. NIV]

"This is why I write these things when I am absent, that when I come I may not have to be harsh in my use of authority — the authority the Lord gave me for building you up, not for tearing you down." [2 Corinthians 13:10. NIV]

Notice that Paul saw the authority that he had been given by God as existing for the purpose of building people up not tearing them down. This didn't meant that there weren't times that Paul needed to give people a firm rebuke or some loving confrontation but even then, the ultimate goal was the growth and development of people's lives and the community of faith.

If you have been entrusted with a leadership role you have been given both auhority and responsibility. You will be held accountable for how you use your authority. Use it carefully and always in love, which is the highest value (see 1 Corinthians 13). Use your authority to build people up, not to tear them down. As a leader, your words, your actions, and your attitudes, have a powerful influence on the people you lead. Handle that power with great care.

More tomorrow ...

 

Spiritual Abuse (Pt.2)

 

Today we continue speaking about a very important subject - spiritual abuse.

Peter Nash (former director of our church's counseling and community ministries and now school chaplain of Waverley Christian College) shared an important message with our church a few years back entitled Spiritual Abuse - When the Church Becomes Unsafe. Here are a few thoughts from his message ...

What is abuse? Abuse is the misuse of power in such a way as to bring harm to another person. Abuse can be sexual, physical, verbal, emotional, or spiritual. Spiritual abuse is when a leader uses their authority as a weapon to cause pain or to manipulate, control and dominate people.

There is a big difference between leadership and abuse. Godly leaders lead by example, showing people the way, in order to achieve God's purposes and for the group's ultimate benefit. Christian leadership is servant leadership.

God does not dominate or control people in his leadership of them. Yes, he does seek to influence people but he allows them the freedom to choose. He never forces us.

Spiritual Abuse (Pt.1)

 

Read the following words from the prophet Jeremiah ...

"What sorrow awaits the leaders of my people — the shepherds of my sheep — for they have destroyed and scattered the very ones they were expected to care for," says the Lord. Therefore, this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says to these shepherds: "Instead of caring for my flock and leading them to safety, you have deserted them and driven them to destruction. Now I will pour out judgment on you for the evil you have done to them. But I will gather together the remnant of my flock from the countries where I have driven them. I will bring them back to their own sheepfold, and they will be fruitful and increase in number. Then I will appoint responsible shepherds who will care for them, and they will never be afraid again. Not a single one will be lost or missing. I, the Lord have spoken! [Jeremiah 23:1-4. NLT]

What a sobering message this is for church leaders today. God entrusts leaders with the responsibility to lead, feed, guide, and care for his people. When leaders fail to do so or lead in destructive and/or abusive ways, God is extremely angry.

How do you know if your church or group is a safe place?

Click here and take a quick survey from a web site dedicated to helping victims of spiritual abuse.

How did your church rate?

More on spiritual abuse tomorrow ...

Qualities of A Great Assistant

Yesterday we talked briefly about the power of partnership. As a leader, one of the key partnerships that have helped me is that between myself and my Personal Assistant, Sue. We have worked together for over twelve years now. It's been a great relationship and Sue has helped me to be much more effective and productive in my ministry life.

What are some of the qualities of a good assistant? Here are my top 3:

1. Good People Skills.

Church work is all about people. The ability to relate well to a wide variety of people is essential, as is the ability to keep calm and to control your emotions. Attributes such as warmth, kindness, politeness, empathy, and tactfulness are vital. Who you are as a person has a great impact. That's why a pleasant personality is important. An assistant represents you, your ministry, and the church. They need to know how to handle difficult people and difficult situations.

2. Efficient Work Skills.

Doing your work with excellence is vital. This includes qualities such as thoroughness, accuracy, attention to detail, and reliability. Other essential qualities include initiative (doing what needs to be done without having to be asked) and pro-activity (jumping into the work without having to be motivated by someone else). The ability to multi-task is also important – to keep multiple balls in the air without letting any of them drop.

3. A Servant Attitude.

A good assistant has a ‘can do’ attitude. Nothing is a problem. They believe it can be done. They find a way. A good assistant is willing to do ‘whatever it takes’ to get the job done. No job is too small, menial, or insignificant. Flexibility is vital. Things change! At times you have to drop what you’re doing. A good assistant serves ‘joyfully’.

Here's a big 'thank you' to Sue and to all the other assistants out there who help us so much!!

The Power of Partnership

Wisdom tell us that "... two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed" (Ecc.4:9).

Life is about partnering with other people - family, friends, work associates, and partners in ministry. An effective partnership doesn’t just happen. Like any relationship, it takes time and effort by both people in the partnership.

Here are four things that are essential for an effective work partnership:

1. Develop a good relationship. Your working relationship is very important. The better the relationship, the better you will work together. Make the time and effort to get to know each other and to understand how each person thinks and feels. Take an interest in them as a person.

2. Communicate well. Every relationship is developed, maintained, and enhanced through communication. Communication involves both speaking and listening. Other people can’t read your mind. Share what you think and feel, as well as what you want done and how you want it done. Assume nothing. Be clear. Clarify expectations. Make time to talk together, especially when develop a new relationship.

3. Encourage each other. Be grateful (say ‘thank you’ often!), show appreciation, and acknowledge effort. Affirm what the other person is doing right.

4. Give constructive feedback. Everyone wants to do well at their work. If something is not as you want it, say so. Learn to ‘speak the truth in love’. Be open to feedback from other people. They see things you don’t. Their perspective is vital. Listen to them. In addition, raise and deal with issues quickly. Don’t let them fester.

5. Realise the importance of confidentiality. Know what should be said in what context. Use discretion. Be trustworthy with private information. Give people enough information so they can do their job well, without feeling like they are in the ‘dark’.

The power of partnership is worth the effort!

The Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not an elective in the school of life. It is a required course, and the exams are always tough to pass.

Here's a moving story about the power of forgiveness from Charles Swindoll as told in his book Improving Your Serve ...

"Several years ago I travelled to Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in search of a pastoral intern. In the process of interviewing a number of men, I met a seminarian I will never forget. As it turned out, I did not select him to come for the summer, but I was extremely impressed with his sensitivity to God.  Although young and inexperienced, his spirit was tender and he spoke with gentleness. It was obvious that the Lord was deeply at work in his life. The marks of a servant’s heart were clearly visible, so much so I probed to discover why. Among other things he related an incredible, true story that illustrated how God was moulding him and shaping him through one of those tough 'forgiveness exams'.  As best as I can remember, here’s his story. I’ll call him Aaron, not his real name.

Late one spring he was praying about having a significant ministry the following summer. He asked God for a position to open up on some church staff or Christian organisation. Nothing happened.  Summer arrived, still nothing. Days turned into weeks, and Aaron finally faced reality - he needed any job he could find. He checked want ads and the only thing that seemed a possibility was driving a bus in southside Chicago ... nothing to brag about, but it would help with tuition in the fall. After learning the route, he was on his own - a rookie driver in a dangerous section of the city. It wasn’t long before Aaron realised just how dangerous his job really was.

A small gang of tough kids spotted the young driver, and began to take advantage of him. For several mornings in a row they got on, walked right past him without paying, ignoring his warnings, and rode until they decided to get off ... all the while making smart remarks to him and others on the bus.  Finally, he decided that had gone on long enough.

The next morning, after the gang got on as usual, Aaron saw a policeman on the next corner, so he pulled over and reported the offence. The officer told them to pay or get off. They paid ... but, unfortunately, the policeman got off. And they stayed on. When the bus turned another corner or two, the gang assaulted the young driver.

When he came to, blood was all over his shirt, two teeth were missing, both eyes were swollen, his money was gone, and the bus was empty.  After returning to the terminal and being given the weekend off, our friend went to his little apartment, sank onto his bed and started at the ceiling in disbelief.  Resentful thoughts swarmed his mind.  Confusion, anger and disillusionment added fuel to the fire of his physical pain. He spent a fitful night wrestling with his Lord.

Better Relationships (Pt.3) - Controlling Your Anger

James gives us some great advice to help improve the quality of all of our relationships. He highlights three essential keys to improving relationships: being a good listener, thinking before speaking and controlling your anger.

James 1:19-20. My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for human anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

After telling us to be “quick to listen” and “slow to speak”, James tells us to be ‘slow to become angry’. If we are not careful anger can do great damage in our relationships.

Observations about Anger

1. Anger is a common emotion. Just as every relationship involves ‘listening’ and ‘speaking’ (communication), James acknowledges that ‘anger’ is also a potential threat to every relationship. Every person has times when they experience feelings of annoyance, irritation, resentment and anger. Feelings of anger usually come from frustration or hurt.

2. Anger can cause great damage. Anger is a major destroyer of relationships. It has been causing damage in relationships for a long time, ever since sin entered the world. In fact, the first family conflict was between two brothers, Cain and Abel, and it resulted in Cain killing his brother in an act of violent anger. Anger creates ‘distance’ between people, it pushes us into ‘darkness’ (1 John 2:9-11) and it ties us up in ‘knots’ on the inside. Ultimately, anger hurts the one who is angry. It is like a boomerang. We throw it at others but we are the one who suffers. We also give the devil a ‘foothold’ in our own life (Eph.4:26-27).

3. Anger management is essential for healthy relationships. It is essential that we get our anger under control. It is a critical area. It is also a developmental task that takes time and intentional focus on our part (Prov.14:29; 16:32. Ecc.7:9). If any relationship is to function healthily then the emotion of anger has to be under control (Eph.4:31-32).

4. There is a difference between angry ‘feelings’ and angry ‘behaviour’. We need to differentiate between anger as a feeling and anger as a behavior (aggression). Paul tells us, “In your anger do not sin” (Eph.4:26). We do this by distinguishing between the feeling of anger and the behavior. Anger is not the problem. It is what we do with it. If you are angry (you will be at some time), do not it let it lead you into sin. We can manage our anger in a constructive, Christ-like manner. The sin lies in what we do with our anger, not the angry feeling itself. Believing that we should never be angry is impossible and not very helpful.

5. There is a place for ‘righteous anger’. Does God get angry? Clearly, the answer is yes! However, his anger is never irrational or out of impatience. He is ‘slow to anger’ and ‘long suffering’. His anger lasts only for a moment and is always an expression of his goodness and concern. We too can move in a sense of ‘righteous anger’ where God stirs us to stand out against things that offend God or damage people. In fact, one of the criticisms of the western church is that we have lost our sense of ‘outrage’. It is easy for us to become so focused on being ‘balanced’, ‘tolerant’, ‘politically correct’ and even ‘relevant’ that we can stick our head in the sand and remain silent about the injustices of our world. However, we must be sure to differentiate between this kind of righteous anger and our own selfish irritations.

Better Relationships (Pt.2) - Controlled Speaking

James gives us some great advice to help improve the quality of all of our relationships. He highlights three essential keys to improving relationships: being a good listener, thinking before speaking and controlling your anger. Today we will spend some time looking at ‘thinking before speaking’.

James 1:19-20. My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for human anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

After telling us to be “quick to listen”, James tells us to be “slow to speak”. In other words, we need to think (engage our brain!) before opening our mouth! Our mouth tends to get us into a lot of trouble, if we’re not careful.

Observations about ‘Words’:

Let’s make a few important observations about the words that we speak.

1. Words have great power (Prov.18:20-21. Ecc. 10:12. Lk.4:22)! The things we say have big consequences! We, in so many ways, are the product of words. The words others have spoken over us and the words we speak to ourselves and about ourselves. Words, although invisible, are mighty! They induce emotion – great fear, great thrill, sadness, longing, joy – words touch the heart. Because of the potential damage of our words, there are many exhortations in the Bible to be ‘slow to speak’ and not to be ‘hasty’ with our words (Prov.29:20. Ecc.5:3).
2. Controlling the tongue is difficult (Jam.3:2-8). As we have seen - our mouth gets us into trouble more than any other thing. James tells us ‘taming our tongue’ it is very difficult! How easily we say things and then wish we hadn’t. Once those words have been spoken they are ‘out there’ and their affect is difficult to undo.
3. Words influence the quality of our life. You will reap a harvest from the words you sow, just as a farmer receives crops from what he plants. This is the law of the harvest - you will reap what you sow. If you can control your tongue, you set the direction of your life and you can keep your whole body in check. Your tongue turns or directs your whole life, just like a small bit in the mouth of a horse and a small rudder on a large ship. Our words create an ‘atmosphere’ around us – in our world and our relationships. Whether it is positive or negative is determined by the choice of the words that we speak.
4. Controlled speech is a sign of maturity. The ability to control the tongue is one of the clearest marks of maturity and wisdom (Prov.13:3; 10:19). In fact, a perfect person is one who is never at fault in what they say. As we grow older and more mature, as we grow in Christ, an indicator should be a greater control on the words that we speak.

Better Relationships (Pt.1) - Good Listening

Relationships are one of the most significant elements of our life. We have been created for relationship with God and other people. When we find and develop healthy relationships, they are a great blessing to our lives. On the other hand, when we are unable to do this, there can be a tremendous amount of loneliness and sadness in our lives.

James gives us some great advice to help improve the quality of all of our relationships. He highlights three essential keys to improving relationships: being a good listener, thinking before speaking and controlling your anger. Today we will spend some time just looking at becoming a good listener.

James 1:19-20. My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for human anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

Communication

Communication is the ‘life blood’ of relationships. It is the basis for building relationships and really knowing another person. It is the basis for achieving unity between people and it is the basis for solving problems and conflicts, and restoring unity. The bottom line is that good communication usually leads to a good and successful relationship. Bad or poor communication often leads to a failure in relationship. In fact, most relationship breakdowns are caused by a breakdown in communication breakdown usually because of conflict or misunderstanding.

When we think about communication we often immediately think about talking or letting other people know what we think and feel. This is an important part of every relationship but James places an important priority or emphasis here. He says we should be “Quick to listen and slow to speak.” The reason he says this is that this is the opposite of how we usually relate. More often than not, we are “Quick to speak and slow to listen.” With the help of the Holy Spirit, we have to reverse this natural tendency if we desire to build quality relationships.

A Few New Year Tips - HELP

"God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another." [1 Peter 4:10-11. NLT]

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." [Ephesians 2:10. NLT]

There are so many opportunities all around us to help other people and to make this world a better place. God has given you unique talents, gifts and abilities. Use them.

Jesus said that there is more joy in giving than in receiving (Acts 20:35). Even psychologists have proven that there is a longer lasting sense of genuine happiness from engaging in one act of kindness than in any act of personal pleasure.

Who can you help today?

• Help around the home. Don't allow any task to be seen as too menial. The best families are where everyone pulls their weight to get done what needs to be done. Are you a helper around the home?
• Help your neighbours. Lend a hand. Offer to help out.
• Help your church. Each church has so many opportunities for people to contribute. Church leaders (and staff) don't exist to do all the work of the ministry themselves, but to empower and encourage the whole church to contribute to kingdom purpose (see Ephesians 4:1-121).
• Help your community. There are many significant causes and organisations that exist to help the poor and needy in each community. Volunteer your time or give a financial donation.
• Help your employer. Every business exists to offer a service or product that aims at providing a benefit to the lives of people. Use your work or career as a means of helping others, in the love of Christ.
• Help your world. I heard BONO from U2 say recently, "In a global village, who is our neighbour?" A thought-provoking question! Many of the world people live in dire poverty. The needs can seem overwhelming. It is easy to be paralysed by them. But we can do something to make a difference ... today. Pray. Make a financial donation to an effective poverty relief organisation. Volunteer your time. Consider going on a short-term trip to help out practically.

Helping communicates love. It is love in action. Be a better helper this year - and be prepared to notice your increasing impact.

"So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless." [1 Corinthians 15:58. NLT]

A Few New Year Tips - LISTEN

"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry." [James 1:19-20. NLT]

Life is all about relationships. Relationships are built on good communication. Good communication only occurs through effective listening. Listen more this year, beginning today. Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

• Listening communicates love and value.
• Listening helps you understand other people.
• Listening earns you the right to be heard.

Poor listening habits include inattentiveness, interrupting, and advice-giving. Learn to be attentive, which is 'showing a person's worth by giving full attention to their words'. Seek to understand and ask good questions.

Every time we open our mouth we're getting ready to either talk (sharing what we already know or feel) OR ask a question (finding out what other people know or feel). Questions are powerful - they get people to open up, they stimulate thinking, and they give us valuable information.

Are you a good listener? Click here to take a quick quiz to rate your current listening skills.

Talk a little less this year. Ask a lot more questions. Listen more.

You'll be a better friend ... you'll learn a lot ... and you'll probably end up making a greater impact on your world. 

"We have two ears, but only one mouth, that we may hear more and speak less." [Source Unknown]

A Few New Year Tips - LOVE

"Three things will last forever - faith, hope, and love - and the greatest of these is love." [1 Cor 13:13. NLT]

As we begin another year - a few thoughts to reflect on ...

Life gets very busy. We easily get caught up with all sorts of 'stuff' and 'things'. There are so many 'tasks' and things to 'do'. In the midst of the hustle and bustle we can quickly lose sight of what is most important.

When it all comes down to it, LOVE really is the most important thing and that means a focus on our relationships, especially with family and friends. I recently had our three teenagers in hospital, a mother-in-law pass away very suddenly, and a best friend go through open heart surgery. When these sorts of things are happening, NOTHING else matters - except those valuable relationships.

Today, and throughout this year, make LOVE the central theme of your life. Slow down. Listen more. Pay attention. Be fully present in the moment. Seek to understand. Reach out. Touch someone. Really LOVE.

What a genuine difference that will make to our world!

Sacred Sex (Part 2)

Last weekend at CityLife, I shared part two of a series on the subject of Sacred Sex. We looked briefly at four Frequently Avoided Questions: (1) What about sex before (or outside of) marriage? (2) What about masturbation? (3) What about homosexuality? (4) What about forgiveness and healing for sexual sin?

These are sensitive and somewhat controversial topics, but ones that are important for us to talk about within the church community and to seek God's perspective on. [Copies of the complete messages of the Sacred Sex series are available on CD or DVD (PAL format) from our church web site]

During our message we took time to look at a number of important passages of teaching about sexuality from the Bible, including: Mark 7:20-23, 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, Matthew 5:27-28, Romans 1:26-27 and 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.

Sex really is sacred because it was created by God. As we follow his guidelines in this important area, we will experience his favor and blessing on our life. After all, he is a good and loving God who desires the very best for us (see Deut.6:24).

Sacred Sex (Part 1)

We're currently doing a series of messages at CityLife Church on Sacred Sex.

No, 'sacred sex' is not an oxymoron. The word 'sacred' means holy, special, set apart unto God. We must avoid a dualistic philosophy that separates life into two spheres: the sacred and the secular, the holy and unholy, the pure and the profane. ALL of life is meant to be sacred, including our sexuality. S

Sexuality is such an important part of our personal lives and because we now live in such a highly sexualised culture it is vital that we catch God's perspective on it. I'm glad that we serve such a wise and loving God. As we follow his ways, we will experience his goodness in every area of our lives, including our sexuality.

While a lot of people in our culture have made a god out of sex, we need to realise that God intended sex to be holy – to be sacred. After all, sex is God's creation. It is not bad, evil or dirty. It is designed to be something good and beautiful. He sees it as something 'very good', like all of his creation (Gen.1:26-31). Sex is holy because God created it. It needs to be treated with honour and respect. It has been set apart for a special purpose by God himself.

Why did God create sex? What were his intentions?