Humour

How Politics Works

The world of politics has been a bit of a circus lately, especially in Australia, the UK and the USA. I saw this funny joke the other day, which has been floating around, and thought it was worth re-posting: Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice." Son: "No!" Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter." Son: "Ok." Dad goes to Bill Gates. Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son." Bill Gates: "No!" Dad: "My son is the CEO of the World Bank." Bill Gates: "Ok." Dad goes to the President of the World Bank.... Read more →


Was Jesus a Swede?

Did you hear the funny story about a 5 year old girl who thought Jesus was a Swede? This cute little girl was helping set the family table one Sunday near Christmas. She stopped for a moment and announced, “Jesus was a Swede.” More than a little surprised, her mum corrected her, “Oh, no, dear, Jesus was Jewish. I'll read it to you from the Bible after lunch.” Pensively, she laid out the silverware. Then her face brightened. “Mummy, I can prove it to you! We sang about it in children’s church this morning.” Triumphantly she sang, "Away in a... Read more →


Is it worth buying an iPad?

iPads or portable computing devices seem to be all the rage nowadays. If you like technology, they can sure be a fun and beneficial device, enhancing our lives and work in amazing ways. I love this brief video clip (in German but easily understandable in any language) about a daughter asking her father how the new iPad she bought him for his birthday is going ... enjoy :) Play Video Read more →


Jesus and Leadership Selection

To: Jesus, Son of Joseph Woodcrafter’s Carpenter Shop Nazareth 25922 From: Jordan Management Consultants Dear Sir: Thank you for submitting the resumes of the twelve men you have picked for managerial positions in your new organization. All of them have now taken our battery of tests; and we have not only run the results through our computer, but also arranged personal interviews for each of them with our psychologist and vocational aptitude consultant. The profiles of all tests are included, and you will want to study each of them carefully. As part of our service, we make some general comments... Read more →


Church Bulletin Bloopers

Here is a collection of humorous church bulletin bloopers (typographical errors) ... * Evening massage - 6 p.m. * Don't let worry kill you. Let the church help. * Thursday night ... pot luck supper. Prayer and medication will follow. * Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church. * For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery down stairs. * Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. * Eight new choir robes are currently needed,... Read more →


Kid's Doctrine

How's this for some kid's doctrine, taken straight from Sunday School ... "The first book of the Bible is the book of geniuses in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree." "Noah’s wife’s name was Joan of Arc." "Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night." "Samson slayed the Philipines with the axe of the apostles." "Unleavened bread is bread that is made without ingredients." " Moses went to the top of Mount Sianide to get the 10 commandments and the seventh one is, 'Thou shalt not admit adultery'."... Read more →


Work Trivia + Some Unusual Jobs in Demand

This week we've been talking about Your Work, God's Work. Did you know that the average person today has 5-7 complete career changes in their life time? That's an average of 10 different jobs with an average of 4.1 years at each workplace. I sure help the average, having worked as a builder's renovator, a book binder, a printer, a music director, a youth pastor, a church administrator and now as a pastor for the last 18 years. Maybe you've had lots of changes in career too or maybe you're one of those people who stick at something for a... Read more →


What if the Three Wise Men Were Women?

What would have happened if it had been three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men? They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and brought practical gifts, and there would be peace on earth. But what they would have said when they left...? "Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?" "That baby doesn't look anything like Joseph!" "Can you believe that they let all of those disgusting animals in the house?" "I heard that Joseph isn't even working right now!" "And that donkey that they... Read more →


Cats or Dogs?

So what's your favourite - cats or dogs? I grew up loving cats (especially kittens) but ended up having a number of dogs after getting married (my wife, Nicole, was allergic to our first cat!). Here's something funny my daughter just sent me ... A dog's daily diary: 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the... Read more →


Skipping Church

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyoneelse... Read more →


Kids in Church

For a bit of a laugh ... 3-year-old Reese: "Our Father, Who does art in heaven. Harold is His name. Amen.' A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am." After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to... Read more →


5 Old Ladies

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a police officer saw a car puttering along at 26 KPH. He thinks to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that there were five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back ... wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, said to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am,"... Read more →


The Travelling Salesperson

A newly-hired travelling salesperson sent his first sales report to the home office. It stunned the management in the sales department because it was obvious that the new salesperson was ignorant and uneducated. This is what he wrote: "I seen this outfit which they ain't never bot a dim's worth of nothin from us and I sole them some goods. I'm now goin to Chicawgo." Before this man could be given the heave-ho by the sales manager, along came another report from Chicago: "I cum hear and sole them haff a millyon." Fearful if he did, and afraid if he... Read more →


The Perfect Pastor

I found this on the internet the other day. It's a church joke with just a hint of exaggeration :) The Perfect Pastor preaches exactly 10 minutes. He condemns sin roundly, but never hurts anyone's feelings. He works from 8 a.m. until midnight, and is also the church cleaner. The Perfect Pastor makes $40 a week, wears good clothes, drives a good car, buys good books, and donates $30 a week to the church. He is 29 years old and has 40 years' worth of experience. Above all, he is handsome. The Perfect Pastor has a burning desire to work... Read more →


An Explanation of Life

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said: "That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?" So God agreed. On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span" The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for... Read more →


A Classic Senior Moment

I turn 50 later this year and I must admit, I already have the occasional 'senior moment' (or mental lapse). Here is the funniest senior moment I have ever heard of. This is supposedly a true account recorded in the police log in Sarasota FL. An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropper her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs,I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of... Read more →


Retarded Grandparents

Being retarded is not something to laugh about … but this was actually reported by a school-teacher after the Christmas break. The teacher asked her young pupils how they
 spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following: We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Batemans Bay where everyone lives in nice little houses, and so they don't have to mow the grass anymore! They ride around on their bicycles and scooters and wear name tags because... Read more →


Irony

Irony is a form of humour that has been around for a long time. The dictionary defines "irony" as a "rhetorical device, literary technique or situation in which there is an incongruity or discordance that goes beyond the simple and evident meaning of words or actions." Maybe looking at a few signs will easier to explain. See below ... P.S. For those who are keen for more, check out the Friends of Irony web site. Read more →