Sacred Sex (Part 2)

Last weekend at CityLife, I shared part two of a series on the subject of Sacred Sex. We looked briefly at four Frequently Avoided Questions: (1) What about sex before (or outside of) marriage? (2) What about masturbation? (3) What about homosexuality? (4) What about forgiveness and healing for sexual sin?

These are sensitive and somewhat controversial topics, but ones that are important for us to talk about within the church community and to seek God's perspective on. [Copies of the complete messages of the Sacred Sex series are available on CD or DVD (PAL format) from our church web site]

During our message we took time to look at a number of important passages of teaching about sexuality from the Bible, including: Mark 7:20-23, 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, Matthew 5:27-28, Romans 1:26-27 and 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.

Sex really is sacred because it was created by God. As we follow his guidelines in this important area, we will experience his favor and blessing on our life. After all, he is a good and loving God who desires the very best for us (see Deut.6:24).

For those interested in researching some of these topics a little further, here are a number of resources that you might find helpful:

• Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity by Lauren F. Winner. I read a summary and a review of this book and it looks like it has some helpful content, primarily for single people.
• For a list of books for Christian singles, check out these web sites - Purposeful Singleness and Christianbook.com.
• For a variety of perspectives on the topic of divorce and remarriage, you might want to have a read through Divorce and Remarriage in the Church: Biblical Solutions for Pastoral Realities by David Instone-Brewer or Remarriage after Divorce in Today's Church: 3 Views (Counterpoint Series). [I will make a more detailed post on this topic at a later time]
• Issues Facing Christians Today (4th Edition) by John Stott. This excellent book addresses a variety of global, social and personal issues, including matters relating to sexuality.
• Moral Choices: An Introduction to Ethics (2nd Edition) by Scott B.Rae. This introduction to Christian ethics also looks at a variety of current issues, including sexual ethics. 
• God's Grace for the Homosexual Next Door- Reaching the Heart of the Gay Men and Women in our World by Alan Chambers and the Exodus International Leadership Team. This books contains a compilation of chapters by a variety of authors addressing some of the key issues relating to homosexuality from a Christian perspective. At the end of the book, it has an extended list of resources for men, women, parents and pastors.
• Exodus International is one of the largest information and referral ministries in the world addressing homosexual issues. You might want to check out their informative web site.
• The Truth Comes Out by Nancy Heche. I have not read this book but it is recommended by Gene Appel, from Willow Creek Community Church, for parents who have children who are gay. Willow has a support group for parents in this situation called Someone I Love.
• The NARTH web site also has a variety of resources related to homosexuality.
• Sy Rogers has some very good teaching on the subject of sexuality.

Comments

[Mat]

HI Mark

Top message on the weekend. I commented to someone else that over the past couple of months I really think your preaching has gone up a notch. (Not to say that you were bad beforehand.) I think it's because it feels like your personality is coming through on stage more...

Anyway that's not the reason I'm here..

Given that Jack Hanes is visiting this weekend I thought you may like to know of something someone in your own church is doing...

I'm building an alternative to Yahoo or Google that Christians can use and it will channel 100% of revenue into the missions field!

It's here : www.search316.org

It's currently in pre-launch - which is why some things may not work - but it's ready enough for you to have a look at.

This is exciting, as I have a group of volunteers already who are going to help spread this news to basically every Christian website on the internet.

If enough Christians would change their internet habits, we could see hundreds of thousands of dollars - if not millions - channeled into missions.

If that's not good enough, the program uses Google's SafeSearch, which filters out a lot of unsavoury content from the results. :)

Hope you like it and can see the potential...

Mat.

[Chris]

A sensitive topic handled with great wisdom, compassion, sensitivity and humour. Well done Mark.
The church [in general] does not have a good track record of talking openly about sexual issues. We thank God for CityLife!

[Chris]

Hey Mat, I had a look at your new site. It looks good and I wish you all the best as you make use of technology to raise Kingdom revenue!

[Linda]

Thanks for addressing issues that I can't even speak about (must be my English heritage). It's wonderful to hear the truth after so many years of confusion.

Well done! As always, beautifully clear and practical.

[Mat]

Chris;

Thanks for the well wishes. I'll be putting a link there soon so you can make it the home page on your computer. :) It will take a while to get people to change the habit from Google to Search316 but this will be made much easier if everyone has it as their homepage...

[Chris]

A request for Mat [sorry Mark to be highjacking your space!]. I want to recommend your online shirt site to a friend but can't find the address from one of your previous posts. Would you mind posting it again. Thanks!

[Mat]

Hi Chris, don't remember posting it up here but it's www.newtonclothiers.com -- ignore the pricing, it's $60 now (combinatio of factors helped drive it down.)

[Mark Conner]

Thanks for everyone's positive feedback on this series. Hey, Mat, I like the search engine idea -go for it. Let me know when it's launched officially, and I can give it a plug on my blog.

[Olivia]

Hi Mark,

I commend your courage for delivering this sensitive yet much needed topic to be discussed openly at church. So thank you very much for delivering it.

I may have misunderstood/ misheard you regarding the concept you shared during the service that “an act of masturbation is not a sin as long as there are no lustful thoughts which stimulate the act”.

Hence does this mean that an act of masturbation is acceptable when it is performed without any sexual thoughts and is performed merely for a release?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Kind regards,

[Mark Conner]

Hi Olivia. Yes, I'd see it that way. As I mentioned, the Bible doesn't address this subject directly. The two things to be avoided would be lustful thoughts or addictive (life controlling) behaviour. Hope this helps.

[Peter]

Hi Mark,

I believe natural release (i.e wet dreams) is worthy of a big mention here.

Could this be God's way in lieu of masterbation? Has God already taken care of this by providing us with a natural release mechanism whilst sleeping?

Being single and having resisted to masterbate even for release, unlike in the past, it's amazing how God's way naturally kicks in. And what a wonderful feeling it is the next morning to not have any doubt.

Being a man, would Jesus have really masterbated for release?

[Mark Conner]

Hi Peter. Yes, your comment represents an 'ideal' and it should be encouraged. If it worked for every person, that would be great.

[Olivia]

Hi Mark,

Your confirmation about “an act of masturbation is not a sin and hence it is acceptable to be performed by a Christian, providing there are no sexual thoughts which stimulate it” is certainly supported by the Bible and a Christian professor of psychology at Carlow College, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Specifically in Deut 23:10-11 and Lev 15-16-18 show that the Bible doesn’t condemn the act of masturbation iteself and encourage men, women not to attached unnecessary shame and guilt to this issue.

As William F. Kraft PhD said in his book Whole and Holy sexuality OR 1998

“Many health specialists consider masturbation a sensible source of pleasure, a convenient tension reducer, a productive way to realize body awareness and potential-in general, a healthy practice. Psychologically, masturbation can be considered "normal" because it can temporarily reduce tension that may make life easier immediately (though not better) and help one to cope in the short run.”

Even though the bible doesn’t specify an act of masturbation a sin, however I believe this doesn’t make this act as a neutral issue. The way I interpreted this confirmation is “a neutral permission is given for all Christian men and women to masturbate freely if they don’t think lustfully and to a certain extent encouraging the act”. I personally would like to err on the side of caution for a number of reasons
1. To ask question
“Why do I want to do it?”

2. To assess my heart as I may convince myself I’m not lusting at the moment.
Jer 17: 9 (NIV) “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

3. A balance
Apostle Paul in 1 Cor 10:23 (NIV) "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive”

In writing this comment I do not have an intention to challenge your perspective on masturbation nor to condemn my brothers and sisters in Christ who struggle with masturbation. I acknowledge we are sexual beings who need release and have sexual drives. I am however nervous to accept your perspective as a whole package without a solid boundary as this is a grey area in Christianity. I am incline to encourage myself to avoid the act (yes I am aware that it is significantly more difficult for men)

In conclusion, I respect your perspective Mark and I choose to adopt a slightly different perspective. After all it is also stated in Roman 14:12-13 (NIV) “So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God”.

Cheers,

[Mark Conner]

Some good comments there, Olivia. Thanks for sharing them.