Mark Conner's Space

Refuel (Pt.4)

Before we move on, let's pause and reflect on what we've covered so far.

Here are a few questions you might want to think about today:

1. Do you think life is becoming more stressful? If so, what are some of the indicators?
2. Describe a time when you felt like you were ‘running on empty’. What did it feel like, what were some of the contributing factors, and what did you do about it?
3. Discuss the concept of ‘margin’. Why is it important and how do we create it in our lives?
4. What can we learn from the habits of Jesus? Read Luke 5:15-16 .
5. Read Jeremiah 2:13 and think about its application for us today. Why is it so easy to neglect time with God?
6. Think about a time you had alone with God that was personally impacting. What happened?
7. What are some of the benefits of regular church attendance?
8. What are some of the benefits of regular involvement in a small group?
9. What are some of the dynamics that occur when a follower of Christ begins to attend church only infrequently?
10. Discuss the metaphor of ‘refuelling’ – what are some other things you do to help when you’re feeling like you’re running on empty?

Next week, we’ll be looking at a few more practical ways to refuel, especially when it comes to our emotional world.

Refuel (Pt.3)

How else can we refuel?

2. Participate in Church Gatherings Every Week.

In addition to spending time along with him, God also wants us as his people to gather together on a regular basis. He has designed these gatherings to be part of his process for refuelling us for our journey. We live in a world that saps and drains us of our spiritual reserves. We need to be filled up again regularly – with his love, his Spirit, his hope, and his joy. Gathering with other believers is an important part of this becoming a reality in our lives.

We gather to worship God together, to receive spiritual input, to fellowship together, to be reminded of our vision, and to serve others with our gifts. This is all part of how God refuels us for our journey. It helps to keep our values aligned and our life headed in the right direction.

The truth is that the majority of people don’t go to church anymore and even many Christians can tend to be fairly slack in the consistency of their attendance, attending infrequently or hardly at all. No wonder so many people are feeling dry spiritually and lack spiritual passion in their life.

Why should we attend church regularly?

Jesus did (Luke 4:16), the early church did (Acts 2:42-47), God commands it (Heb.10:24-25), the Spirit works in special ways when Christ’s body gathers, your very presence is an encouragement to other believers and to the leaders of the church, and you are leaving a legacy for the next generation.

Gathering together with other believers on a weekly basis is important. Of course, just being together is one thing but HOW we come is even more important. If we want to see dynamic gatherings where God is at work then we need to come with expectation, faith, and a willingness to respond and to participate in what is happening.

Church attendance is not a spectator sport. It’s something that we engage in with all our heart and soul … and like most things in life we tend to get out of it what we put into it. Do you want to refuel? Make church gatherings a priority in your weekly schedule.

Refuel (Pt.2)

Let’s look at a few practical things we can do to refuel. First we’ll focus on some activities for refuelling our spiritual life. Then next week we’ll look at things related more to our relational and emotional health.

1. Spend Time Alone with God Every Day.

As followers of Christ, God is the source of our very life. As the apostle Paul said, “In him we live, and move, and have our being” (Acts 17:28). Yes, our very next breath comes from him. In a very real sense, we are to live our life ‘in God’s presence’ or with an awareness that he is always with us. We are to ‘do life’ together with God, involving him in every aspect of our daily life. ALL of life is sacred and God is interested in every aspect of our lives. However, there is something special than can occur when we pull aside from our daily activities and spend time alone with God, wholly focused on him.

Jesus, the Son of God, came to serve and give his life for others. Yet one of his habits was to regularly pull aside from the crowds of people and from the busyness of ministry. Jesus knew what it was to work hard but he also knew what it was to stop working and get aside with his Father (see Luke 5:15-16). If anyone could have avoided prayer and just kept going without ever getting to empty, it was Jesus. But, no – he stopped, he left the hustle and bustle of all the people around him, and he found a place where he could be alone and talk with his Father. If Jesus needed this, how much more do we! Often when we’re starting to burnout, it can be linked back to a drift in our time alone with God. Like Martha, we’ve become so busy working for God or doing life that we have neglected our time just sitting and being with Jesus like Mary did (Luke 10:38-42).

So what kind of things do we do when we are along with God?

• Enjoy God. Just be still and enjoy his closeness.
• Love and worship him. Express appreciation to him for who he is and all he has done for you.
• Talk to him. Open up your heart and tell him how you feel. Tell him your needs and concerns.
• Listen to God. Ask him to speak to you. Tune in to the ‘small still voice’ of his Spirit within you.
• Read his Word, which are his instructions for our life. His Word is like our ‘daily bread’
• Pray in the Spirit, using your ‘spiritual language’. In doing so, you pray according to the will of God (Rom.8:26-28) and you build up your own faith (Jude 20). It can be like charging your spiritual batteries.

Spending time alone with God can be like taking a long deep drink of fresh water when you’re feeling dry and thirsty. It energises you and refuels you for your journey.

Why would we not spend time with the God who created the universe and who desires the very best for our life? Why would we pursue other less important things, ignoring his offer! Oh, foolish thinkers we often are (Jeremiah 2:13)! How easily we get distracted by things that hinder us from investing our time in what is most valuable – a relationship with the living God!

Refuel (Pt.1)

Refuelling is not an optional extra for the Christian life. It is an essential practice and something that must be done on a regular basis. It is not just for the faint of heart or the weak. Even the strong tire and become weary. Even the young run out of energy.

Listen to what the prophet Isaiah had to say about this ...

Isa 40:28-31. Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no-one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. NIV

Refuelling takes time and intentional effort. Most often it requires you to stop what you are doing and engage in a refuelling moment. But refuelling is essential if we are going to run our race well, let alone finish what God has called us to be and do. Pray and believe for the Holy Spirit to refuel you today. God wants to continually fill us with his love, power and wisdom for our journey.

More tomorrow ...

Stress

We live in a world of exponential change that often results in stress in our lives. Stress can come from the high pace of change, from increasing mobility, from time pressures, from work, from feeling like things are out of our control, from fear, from strained relationships, from competition, and from emotions such as frustration and anger. We also need to understand the effect of the combination of stressors – the whole is always greater than the sum of the parts.

Doctor Richard Swensen outlines how stress can affect us in many areas of our life:

• Psychologically – stress has a profound effect on our psychological well-being, Symptoms can include: depression, withdrawal, apathy, mental fatigue, anxiety, negative thinking, difficulty making decisions, exaggerated worry, anger and hostility, impatience, forgetfulness, and confusion.
• Physically – our response to stress is also physical. Symptoms can include: rapid pulse, palpitations, increased blood pressure, hyperactivity, ulcers, irritable bowel, tightening of the muscles, headaches, weight changes, compromised immune system, unexplained fatigue, itching, insomnia, and shortness of breath.
• Behaviourally – what our mind and body experience, our behaviour often express. Behaviours can include: irritation with friends and colleagues, bossiness, outbursts of temper, withdrawal and detachment, sudden tears, changes in eating or sleeping patterns or in our sexual drive, accident proneness, reckless driving, or even compulsive shopping.

Because of the pace of life, the lack of margin, and the stress of living in the 21^st century, we can easily drain our reserves and before we know it, we’re running on empty. The warning lights come on and we know we can’t keep going or we’re going to ‘crash and burn’. We must refuel!

More on that tomorrow ...

The Impact of Exponential Change

Our world has experienced an incredible amount of progress in the last 100 years. Progress has been upward and onward, resulting in a rapid acceleration of change. Just think of: the speed of travel (our family took 23 days to travel to the USA via boat back in 1972!), the power of computers (the internet wasn’t available until the mid 1990s – now just over a decade later, over 1.4 billion people use it regularly!), technological advances, etc.

Change is no longer ‘linear’; it is now ‘exponential’.

To illustrate how rapidly exponential numbers accumulate, consider the following example ...

If you fold a piece of paper in half forty-two times, how thick would it be?

Thick enough to reach from here to the moon! That’s surprising, isn’t it! If you don't believe me, click here to see the math.

This illustration helps us appreciate the radical impact accumulative change can have on our lives. Of course, the result of all of this exponential change is STRESS! According to Doctor Richard Swensen, high levels of stress follow progress and change just as exhaust follows traffic. It’s unavoidable.

Pause and think about that.

... more on the topic of stress on Monday.

Enjoy your weekend!

Divorce and Remarriage

Unfortunately, around one third of all marriages end in divorce. That's a sad statistic for our generation. More sad is the hurt and pain that families go through when relationships are fractured and broken. Thankfully, God cares and he can bring healing and restoration.

Divorce is clearly not God's will, though at times he does allow it. In fact, in Old Testament times, God himself divorced Israel after repeated efforts to restore the relationship.

Currently, the Board of Elders at our church and reviewing our policy on separation, divorce, and remarriage. This is a complex and sensitive issue, especially when you're dealing with people's lives and endeavouring to remain true to the intentions God has for relationships.

Jesus permitted the possibility of divorce in the case of sexual sin by one party. Paul seems to add desertion (abandonment) as another legitimate grounds for divorce. Most churches support these two reasons for a possible divorce, while some also allow it in serious cases of abuse, believing that abuse is a violation of the marriage covenant. Each local church has to grapple with the issues and come up with a policy that is rooted in the standards God has laid out in his Word.

For those interested is doing some further study on this issue, interacting with the various views, here are a variety of resources you might find helpful:

1. Divorce and Remarriage: Four Christian Views.
2. Remarriage After Divorce in Today's Church: 3 Views
3. Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible: The Social and Literary Context by David Instone-Brewer
4. Divorce and Remarriage in the Church: Biblical Solutions for Pastoral Realities by David Instone-Brewer 
5. Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage by Kevin J. Conner
6. Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible by Jay E. Adams

As always, prevention is better than cure. Helping people prepare well for marriage and assisting existing marriages to build stronger bonds needs to be a focus of each Christian community. When relationships break down, forgiveness and reconciliation needs to pursued. When things are beyond repair, there are always inevitable difficult consequences. A balance between grace and truth must always be sought. When facing the women caught in adultery, Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you (grace) ... go and sin no more (truth)."

Christian Schools Australia

This morning I was privileged to speak to 750 teachers whose schools are a part of Christian Schools Australia. Today's event was a state conference with a theme of 'Hope and Future'. I spoke on 'Our Mission: Bringing Hope', something especially important in a world increasingly charcterised by fear, uncertainty, and hopelessness.

I have a strong appreciation for Christian education. I spent a number of my high school years in a Christian school, which helped lay some good foundations for the future in my own life. Our three teenagers have also spent a number of years in a Christian school. Then as a pastor, I appreciate the contribution that Christian education makes to children and young people. No doubt, the home, the church, and the school each has a powerful influence on young people and their development.

Christian Schools Australia fosters leadership, growth and excellence in Christian school education. Its membership includes 150 schools nationally, with more than 60,000 students and 3,000 teaching staff. CSA’s commitment is to see Christian beliefs and values impact on all aspects of practice and community life in its member schools. With Biblically based beliefs as a foundation, CSA provides leadership, services and, resources for its members, and generally works to advance the cause of Christian schooling.

For further thoughts on education choices for parents, see my blog post on Schooling Choices.

Energy

To be highly effective in our work and to also enjoy life to the fullest we need to manage our energy, not just our time. Research reveals that energy, not time, is the most important component of personal effectiveness.

Let me give you an example: If you’re scheduled to have open heart surgery, obviously you’d want your doctor turning up on time. But what kind of mood would you want him or her in – angry, depressed, tired, nervous? Of course not! You’d want them to be awake, confident and fully engaged in what they’re about to do to you! You don’t just want their time ... you want the best of their energy!

How’s is your energy level right now? Are you fully engaged in what you are doing each day? Or are you just ‘turning up’?

The key to being ‘fully engaged’ when we need to be is to ensure that we are managing our energy well. You do that by creating a balance between activity and rest in your life … of energy expenditure and energy renewal. If we’re giving out all the time without taking time to disengage and renew your energy, then you’re headed for an energy crisis.

Energy … Think about it. 

Internal Stress

Recent research tells us that a lot of Australians are experiencing a great deal of stress in their life. Life is getting more complex, the pressures are increasing, the pace is getting faster, and a lot of people are struggling to cope.

One of the keys to good stress management is learning to keep our “internal stress” as low as possible so that we have the capacity to cope with the inevitable “external stress” that will come our way.

 

Internal stress is the stress we carry on the inside of us and it usually comes from three things:

1. Unrealistic expectations (about God, ourselves or others).
2. Destructive attitudes
3. Unresolved relational issues

Have you ever seen someone have something very small happen to them and they just lost it. What was going on? The thing that happened to them wasn’t the issue. It was most likely the fact that they were already carrying a bunch of internal stress and this extra thing pushed them over the edge.

 

Adjust your expectations to be more in line with reality.

Deal with negative emotions quickly.

Resolve your interpersonal conflicts.

 

By doing so, you can reduce your level of internal stress significantly, placing you in a position to be able to cope much better with the inevitable stresses of life.

 

Internal Stress … Think about it.

Attitude

Developing and maintaining a good attitude in life is vital. However it’s not always easy!

 

One huge misconception about attitudes is that if you have a good attitude you will never feel bad or get upset. How untrue! People with great attitudes experience all the same sorts of negative emotions that other people do, they just work through them constructively and refuse to allow these emotions to hinder their outlook on life.

 

Everyone has times when they feel angry, resentful, worried, afraid, anxious, jealous, and maybe even depressed. The difference between people is how they choose to handle these negative and potentially destructive emotions.

 

Have you ever been shopping and had to use a shopping cart that had one wheel not working? Isn’t it stressful to have to push that thing while it is squeaking and squealing every step of the way? What an energy drain! Yet, that is exactly what it is like when one negative emotion seizes up our inner world. It drains us spiritually, emotionally and physically. That’s why it is so important to deal with negative emotions as quickly as possible so we can live with complete freedom.

 

It’s your choice!

 

Attitude …. Think about it.

Smile!

When I was much younger I had a significant leader give me some feedback. He started out by encouraging me about my potential and my future. Then he said, “Mark, there’s a few things you need to work on. Firstly, you need to smile more. You’ve very tall and that can be quite intimidating for people. Begin to smile more regularly." Then he shared a few other things that we don’t have time to talk about today.

I must admit, at first I was a bit annoyed. “Smile … come on, I’m smiling on the inside!” But then I realised he was right. So I began smiling more. I’d drive down the road and just put a big smile on my face. I’d get into an elevator and I’d smile.

A smile really does make a difference to the atmosphere around you. It warms things up and it tends to draw people to you rather than away from you.

You know we don’t really know what Jesus looked like because we don't have a picture or video of him. However, it tells me something about Jesus when the Gospels tell us that children ran up to him. What kind of people do children run towards? Not grumpy people, that’s for sure! I’m sure Jesus had a smile on his face and an enthusiasm about life that was contagious.

Smile … Think about it.

Global Issues

Today we are living in a global village. Yes, it’s a big world but we’re all connected in so many ways like at no other time in our history.

Here is Australia we have our own challenges but we really are still a ‘lucky country’. We’ve been blessed in so many ways and it’s easy to forget that many billions of people in our world live on just a few dollars a day.

 

Some of the global issues we are facing are huge – things such as poverty, disease, war, and famine, just to name a few. These challenges are so huge that we can be overwhelmed by them. Yet each one of us can make a difference.

 

Here are a few things that you might consider doing:

 

1. Sponsor a child in a needy country. Check out Compassion or World Vision for starters. 
2. Make a financial donation to a reputable world relief agency.
3. Take a trip to another needy nation and do some ‘hands on’ humanitarian work.
4. Pray – after all, God cares about the poor and needy.

Jesus told us to love God with all of our heart and to love our neighbour as ourselves. In our global village, our neighbour is the person next door but also those around the world.

 

We can’t do everything but each one of us can do something.

 

Global Issues … Think about it.

A Personal Check Up (Pt. 6)

Our final question is:

5. How is your love?

Love is the most important thing in our life (see 1 Corinthians 13). As someone once said, "People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care!"

Christian love is a choice to do good to others.

Love forgives and seeks reconciliation. Have you been offended this year? Has someone hurt you? Have you hurt someone? How is it with your soul? Have you forgiven? Have you asked for forgiveness?

Enlarge your ‘circle of love’. Who is in your circle? Is it an open circle?

Jesus accepted everyone no matter who they were (see Romans 5:8). His ministry philosophy was “Come as you are … and be changed.” Is that ours too or it is more like the religious leaders of his day who basically said, “Change to be like us … and then you can come.”

Ask God to fill you afresh with His love … for all people.

How is your love?

Conclusion

How did you go with your check up?

What will you do about the results? After all, only YOU are responsible for these things. I know I have some things to work on. If we ignore the check up, we'll pay for it. However, if we make the necessary adjustments, we will see many benefits flow into our lives.

All the best for the second half of your year!

A Personal Check Up (Pt. 5)

Our fourth check up question is:

 

4. How is your joy?

 

David tells us to serve the Lord 'with gladness' (Psalm 100:1-2. NKJV). What we do is important but just as important is how we go about it. God desires us to do life with an attitude of joy.

 

Why is joy important?

• The joy of the Lord is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10)
• Joy is a sign of God’s presence (Psalm 16:11)
• Joy is the essence of life (Ecclesiastes 3:22; 5:19)
• Joy is a fruit of the Spirit (Galations 5:22)
• Joy is an attribute of God’s kingdom (Romans 14:17)
• Joy is a witness to unbelievers (1 Kings 10)
• Joy is a key to effectiveness in life and work

No doubt, joy is important. That's why the enemy always tries to steal our joy away from us. What are some joy-robbers that you have experienced?

In the final analysis, joy is a choice (see Habakkuk 3:17-19; Hebrews 12:1-2; Philippians 4:4 and James 1:4-6). Joy is different from happiness. Happiness is based on what happens to us while true joy is based on our relationship with God and our belief that he is in control, regardless of our circumstances.

How is your joy level right now? What could you do to be more joyful as you go about your daily life and work today? What a difference joy makes!

A Personal Check Up (Pt. 4)

Our third question is:

3. How is your progress?

The Christian life is to be one of progress, growth and continual improvement – both in our relationship with God, our character, our relationships with other people, and ministry effectiveness (see 1 Timothy 4:11-15).

Progress is the end result of an intentional effort to develop yourself and your gifts. It doesn’t just happen through years of service or length of time in a ministry.

So, how do you grow as a person? Here are a few ways:

• Reading – the Bible and other writers. What do you want to know or learn about or improve in? Buy a book from someone who is an expert in that area. Do whatever it takes to gain wisdom. See my blog posts on The Art of Reading and Some Recommended Reading.
• Teaching – listen to leaders and experienced people [podcasts, CDs, Advanced Tracks, audio books, book summaries, etc]. Make your car a driving university. Formal training – get on a track of personal development and consider doing a course related to your career and/or ministry.
• Mentors – find people with knowledge and resources that you don’t have.
• Experience – the actual act of using our gifts and talents is part of the learning process. We learn most by doing.

When it comes to your skills and ability as a person, are you improving, plateaued or in decline? If you’re doing nothing, you’re in decline, because the world around us is changing rapidly.

What will you do to grow in the second half of this year? Make it a priority. Don’t get so busy producing that you don’t have enough time to improve yourself.

How is your progress?

A Personal Check Up (Pt.3)

Our second question is:

 

2. How is your passion?

 

Having a clear vision is important (seeing it) but having a passion or fire on the inside is also vital (feeling it). God desires that vision and passion be bound together in our lives. 

 

Is your vision producing passion or has it lost its vitality? If its energy has died a little, meditate on it some more, ask the ‘why’ question again (not just ‘what, when and how’), etc.

 

In the world we live in, natural fervency or passion is often a key to success and impact. A study of great people was done looking for essential qualities of their success. It wasn't intelligence, gifts or talents, background or appearance. It was attitude (how they chose to think) and passion (how they chose to feel). Successful people have drive and enthusiasm (found in the heart not the head).

 

Nothing major in history was ever accomplished without zeal and passion. It is often THE deciding difference between successful and unsuccessful people in every field of endeavour. The fire on the inside affects everything on the outside.

 

Inspirational writer William Ward says, "Enthusiasm and persistence can make an average person superior while indifference and lethargy can make a superior person average."

 

The Apostle Paul puts it this way: "Never be lacking in zeal but keep your spiritual fervour, serving the Lord." Paul assumes that we are all serving the Lord. Every one of us has a part to play in contributing to God’s cause in the earth. Yes, serving the Lord and fulfilling your purpose is a good thing. But how we serve and pursue our God-given purpose is very important. It requires fervency!

 

Of course, passion is not a static thing. It’s like a fire that we have to fuel and guard at all times. We have to be on guard against fire-fighters such as complacency, difficult circumstances, familiarity, or an unbalanced lifestyle. 

 

How is your passion? Is it burning brightly or has it died out a bit? What can you do to rekindle it today?

A Personal Check Up (Pt.2)

The first question is:

 

1. How is your vision?

 

Bill Hybels defines vision as "a picture of a preferred future that produces passion.” Nothing much happens without vision. However, when someone gets a vision … something powerful begins to happen and significant movement takes place. Just study history. Whether it be William Wilberforce, the Wright brothers, Henry Ford, Billy Graham, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. or Jesus Christ himself, people who do significant things in life all have this thing called vision.

 

What about you? Do you have a vision? Do you have a dream? Do you have a cause that you’re living for and working towards? What’s your vision?

 

The writer of the book of Proverbs says this ... "Where there is no vision, the people perish (KJV)." The Message Bible puts it this way ... "If people can't see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves."

  

Even when we have a clear vision, we need to protect it. Why? Because vision leaks and mission drifts. We all easily get off course, or we lose focus as to what life is all about, especially in the busyness and the challenges of daily life.

A Personal Check Up (Pt.1)

It's hard to believe that we're half way through another year. At the mid-way point of a year it's good to pause or take a brief 'half time' to do a personal check up.

Most of us don’t like doing check ups – whether it be the doctor or the dentist. We’re too busy and we don’t like pain or the fact that something may need attention. But the truth is that check ups help us ‘define reality’. They tell us the truth – so we can then make appropriate changes … for our own benefit! A good check up ensures we're healthy and heading in the right direction.

In some areas, we can do a check up on ourselves – a self examination. The Apostle Paul told the believers at Corinth to ‘examine’ and to ‘test’ their own faith as to its quality (see 2 Corinthinas 13:5). Before taking the Lord’s Supper, he had also told them … ‘examine yourself’ (1 Corinthians 11:28).

I thought that this week it would be good for us to do a bit of a check up on ourselves. Beginning tomorrow we'll ask five key questions that will provide a way for us to do some personal reflection.

Talk to you then.

Love for a Lifetime - Building a Great Marriage (Pt.6)

Today we will look at the fifth key to building a great marriage ...

5. Grow Together Spiritually

As followers of Christ, Nicole and I have found that our relationship with God is a vital part of us reaching the fullest potential of our marriage relationship. After all, intimacy has a spiritual dimension to it.

Spiritual vitality makes a difference when it comes to the quality and sustainability of any marriage. Lack of a quality spiritual life is often at the root of most relational problems. Here are some interesting statistics:

• 1  out of 3 marriages end in divorce.
• 1 out of 50 marriages end in divorce if the couple had a church wedding.
• 1 out of 105 marriages end in divorce if the couple attend church regularly.
• 1 out of 1105 marriages end in divorce if the couple attend church regularly and have family devotions.

Making God the centre of your marriage and family makes a big difference. The writer to the book Ecclesiastes says that “a three-fold strand is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). We see marriage as an intertwining of ourselves and God. Life is difficult at times and we easily get drained. God is the continual supply of love, grace and wisdom that we need.

Nicole and I also have a sense of common kingdom purpose. We exist to serve God and his church together. There is a sense of destiny on our lives that we are very aware of and that we take seriously.

Finally, we must not be ignorant of the spiritual warfare dimension to marriage. There is a God and there is a devil. We have an enemy whose desire is to break up relationships, especially marriages. Ed Silvoso, a pastor from Argentina, says, “Destroying a marriage is a higher priority than destroying children because of the domino effect.” Yes, there are forces are arrayed against you. We must be on guard and vigilant in our faith and our relationships.

How is the spiritual dimension of your marriage? Do you involve God in your marriage relationship, including your decisions? Have you prayed together lately (see 1 Peter 3:7)?

If you are married, my prayer for you today is that your marriage will become the very best it can be. If you aren't married, remember that singleness is no way inferior to marriage. Jesus was a single yet he lived a joyful and fulfilled life. You can too! If you've had a broken marriage, my prayer is that God will help bring healing to your heart and help you make a fresh start, learning from your past experiences.

Love for a Lifetime - Building a Great Marriage (Pt.5)

Today we mve on to look at the fourth key key to building a great marriage which is …

4. Effective Conflict Resolution

Everyone has arguments, conflicts, crisis and problems. We sure have … lots of them! The outcome either hurts the relationship or helps it. It’s what we do about our problems that is most important. After all, marriages with the biggest problems don't necessarily break up. It's the way you respond to problems that determines the future of the relationship.

Problems or crisis confront every relationship and no one enjoys them, but strong families are able to respond to the problem in a constructive way - to see some positive element in even the most difficult situations. Problems cause strong relationships to pull together rather than be pulled apart, as they develop trust and a greater reliance on each other. Discuss your differences and pray together.

When facing an unresolved conflict, here are a few good questions to consider:

• What is the main issue causing the conflict?
• When would be the best time to discuss it?
• Have we listened to each other’s perspective?
• What possible solutions can we think of?
• Which solution should we try first?

Admit it when you are wrong. Repent first and forgive first, like Jesus did. This is your responsibility. Take the first step. Anger gets us in trouble but it is pride that keeps us there and creates barriers. Never go to bed angry. You will get angry … but handle it constructively. Don't use it as a weapon and don't hold on to it (see Ephesians 4:26-32).

Love for a Lifetime - Building a Great Marriage (P.4)

So far, we're looked at friendship and partnership as two keys to a great marriage.

Today, we'll look at the third key to building a great marriage which is ….

3. Good Communication

Someone once said, “Marriage is one long conversation, with an occasional disagreement along the way.” A good marriage requires continual quality communication with each other. When communication breaks down, so do marriages.

Good communication is essential to a successful marriage. A leading marriage counselor says that 50% of divorces result from poor communication.

There are different levels of communication: clichés, facts, ideas and opinions, feelings and emotions, and then complete trust and openness. Develop and foster intimacy, warmth and openness. Be tender, easily spoken to, and approachable. Openness leads to greater intimacy. Share your deepest feelings, hopes and fears. Communication is the key to understanding and understanding is the key to intimacy. Talk about everything. Be open and honest with each other.

How is communication in your marriage? Are you still talking and listening to each other? How could you improve your communication this week?

P.S. For some additional thoughts on communication see my blog posts on Listen, Good Listening and Controlled Speaking.

 

Love for a Lifetime - Building a Great Marriage (Pt.3)

Yesterday we looked at the importance of building your marriage on a foundation of friendship. In the best marriages, the husband and wife are best friends - for a lifetime.

Today, I would like to share with you what I think is the second key to building a great marriage ...

2. Partnership

Nicole and I are not only friends, we see ourselves as 'partners' in life and ministry.

Understanding the role of the husband and the wife is very important. Genesis 1-2 tells us the story of how things were in the beginning – according to God’s original design. Unfortunately, a lot of people read into the text their own opinions or traditions. As a result, there are a lot of misunderstandings about what the Bible teaches about this subject.

Some people even see women as being inferior or at least subordinate to men. Here are some of the arguments:

• “The woman was created second. Man was made first, so is therefore superior." In actual fact, this argument is flawed as man was created after the animals. Are they superior? If you take this logic, then the woman was the crowning of God’s creation! In reality, both man and woman were created in God’s image and the man was incomplete without the woman, who also bears the image of God.

• “The women were created as a helper for Adam.” In Genesis 2:18, God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” So what’s a ‘helper’? Someone to do the cooking, ironing and cleaning? Are women created to be some kind of a support system for men, who are the superior gender? The context indicates that the word “helper” refers to an equal counterpart. A better translation that more accurately captures the sense of the original Hebrew is picked up by the New English Bible, which says, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will provide a partner for him.” Adam needed a partner or a ‘helper’. This term, used 21 times in the Old Testament, is not a servant term describing someone ‘helping around the house’. It is a term of strength that in no way implies inferiority or subordination. It is used 2 times about women and 15 times about God.

• “The woman’s existence comes from the man.” Does the fact that woman was taken from man’s side indicate inferiority? No. Although woman was created from the man, she too was the creation of God. Adam’s exclamation at the sight of Eve shows his recognition that she was an equal partner compatible with him (Genesis 2:23). Adam said to Eve, “You are bone of my bones (internal) and flesh of my flesh (external)”. Adam’s first impression of Eve was oneness. "We’re built the same!" Again, however the argument is futile. Adam was created from the earth so does that make man inferior to the soil? Of course not!

Love for a Lifetime - Building a Great Marriage (Pt.2)

A great wedding doesn't make a great marriage. A great marriage is something that is built over time - patiently and intentionally.

I think there are five things that build a great marriage. Let's look at the first today ...

1. Friendship

In Genesis 1, the reason God created Eve was to be a friend or a partner for Adam. He was alone and needing relationship with someone compatible to him. When I first met Nicole, the thing that I first thought was that I could enjoy spending the rest of my life with her (at least my life wouldn’t be boring!). We became friends and have built a marriage around our friendship. We are still best friends and we really enjoy being with each other.

Like any friendship, a marriage friendship takes times and effort. It is essential that you keep growing together. Marriage is not a snapshot (a photo). It’s a moving picture (a movie). If one partner outgrows or grows in a different direction than the other, this will cause problems. Suddenly it can feel like the person that you're married to is not the same person you married.

A marriage left to itself will most likely deteriorate. You need to make huge intentional investments in your relationship on a regular basis. This doesn’t just happen. As in all of life, you usually reap what you sow. Like any good friendship, marriage needs regular large doses of genuine love, acceptance, and special times together. However, these are investments well worth making!

If you're married, how is your friendship going? What could you do to make it better this week?

Love for a Lifetime - Building a Great Marriage (Pt.1)

This weekend, Nicole and I celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary.

Nicole and I met in Rockhampton, Queensland in December 1984. My good friend, Peter Leigh, and I were travelling to Townsville on holidays and stopped by to visit some friends we knew from a small church there. On the weekend, we went four wheel driving with some of the young people, including Nicole. We had lots of fun and a huge mud fight!

Nicole moved to Melbourne a few months later and we began going out the next week. We were engaged 10 months later and married 6 months after that, on June 21st, 1986.

We are very happily married and enjoying our friendship more than ever.

Over the next few days, I'll share a few keys that I think can help to build a great marriage ...

Comfort

Have you ever noticed that bad things sometimes happen to good people? It’s one of those contradictions in our world. It doesn’t always make sense.

 

Think about Job, a man who lived back in Bible times. He had a whole bunch of bad stuff happen to him … even though he was a good man who lived a good life. His friends started out by just being a comfort to him, which was good, but then they tried to figure out ‘why’ all of this bad stuff was happening. They thought it might be because Job had done something wrong and they ended up being a source of further pain for Job rather than a comfort.

 

When people go through difficult times, they need our care, our concern, and our comfort. They don’t need our great insights on the complexities of life.

 

Thankfully, God is a God of comfort. He understands our suffering. In fact, he has suffered himself and he is able to help us through our times of difficulty. Let’s partner with God and be a comfort to those around us going through difficult times.

 

Comfort … think about it.

Example

Take a moment to think about the people who have had the greatest positive influence on your life. I’m sure there’s at least one or two you can think of. Then ask yourself what it was about them that caused them to impact you so much. Summarise it in a few words.

 

I’m sure you’ll discover that it was the character of their life that made the biggest impression on you, not so much their talents, their gifts or their abilities. It is things like love, faithfulness, enthusiasm, passion, persistence, and integrity that influence us.

 

This shows us that our greatest influence in life will be who we are (our life) not just what we say or do.

Right now, you are influencing people around you. What kind of influence is it? Is it positive or negative?

 

You are being watched … so think about the example you are giving. Make a decision to live a life worth following. Be an example to others.

 

Example … think about it.

Generosity

If you are a parent, have you ever taken your child to McDonalds, bought them a meal, and then suddenly felt a little hungry yourself? You reach over and ask for a few of their fries and they respond by quickly pulling their fries away from you and saying “No!”

 

How do you feel in that moment?

I start to think … “Do you know where those fries came from? I paid for those fries!”

 

Then I think … “I don’t need your fries anyway. I’ve got enough money to buy all the fries I want!!”

 

And … “I can make sure you never have any fries again as long as you live under my roof!!”

 

Now I THINK those things … I don’t SAY them!

 

I wonder if that’s how God feels sometimes when we’re a little on the stingy side and we don’t adopt a generous attitude towards life and our possessions?

 

After all, he’s the 'fry-maker'! Everything we have comes from him … and he can stop stuff coming … or he can keep it coming. Don't be tight-fisted. Why not choose to be a little more generous today.

 

Generosity … think about it!

Money

Money … everyone wants more of it. Somehow we think it is the answer to all of our problems.

No doubt money has great power … for good or for evil. It all depends on our attitude towards it and how we use it.

One of your goals should be to be financially ‘free’. In other words, to have your needs met and enough to give away. That’s a good definition of ‘prosperity’.

 

A great plan for achieving this is the ’10–10-80 plan’. It goes like this … Every time you receive any form of income give away 10% of it. Donate it to your local church or community organisation. Then take the next 10% and put it away in a savings or investment account. Finally, endeavour to live on the remaining 80%. If you do this consistently over a period of time, you will be financially free.

 

After all, THE key to financial freedom, regardless of what your income level is, is spending less than you earn and then saving the difference. Unfortunately, most people spend everything they earn and even more, going into destructive debt which causes so many problems.

 

Money … think about it!

 

P.S. A few years ago, I shared two messages with our church entitled Your Personal Money Makeover. Here are the message summary files, which we gave to our small group leaders.

 

Your Personal Money Makeover (Pt.1)

Your Personal Money Makeover (Pt.2)

Decisions

Decisions … we make them every day. Yet, think about how important they really are.

You might have heard the funny story about the successful businessman who was asked by a young man what the key to his success was. After thinking for a moment, the businessman answered, “Good decisions, that’s the key”. The young man then asked, “How do you make good decisions?” After a pause, the businessman said, “Experience, that’s how you make good decisions.” Hesitantly, the young man asked one more question, “How do you get experience?” Once again the businessman paused then answered, “Bad decisions!”

 

Well life is a bit life that – we live and hopefully we learn!

 

But the truth is that who you are and where you are today is largely a result of the decisions you made yesterday. In the same way, who you will be and where you will be tomorrow will largely be a result of the decisions you make today. After all, our decisions, not our conditions, determine our ultimate destiny.

 

What decision do you need to make today? Many problems are just a decision waiting to happen.

 

Decisions … think about it!

God's Sheep

Each Christian is described as one of God’s 'sheep', who He personally loves and cares for. He delegates this responsibility of care to leaders in the church, or shepherds who represent Him on earth.

Notice Jesus’ last concern as He spoke to Peter before He ascended to heaven. Three times He said to Peter, “Feed my sheep” (John 21:15-17). He wanted Peter, as a prominent leader in the early church, to have the heart of a shepherd and to care for each individual.

Each local church is similar to a sheepfold, where a group of God’s sheep are being cared for and led by one of God’s 'under-shepherds'. Church leaders must recognise that each Christian is ultimately God’s sheep. Leaders are to care for, feed and provide guidance to each person entrusted to them by God.

From time to time, God moves His sheep from fold to fold. Often, it’s through relocation or a job transfer. Other times, it’s because a new phase of growth is needed that requires a new environment. I heard one pastor of a growing church say, “We don’t steal sheep, we just grow grass.” This humorous statement has a lot of truth to it. Sheep that aren’t getting fed or who aren’t being cared for will move on to greener pastures.

Individual Christians that move to another local church need to ensure that they leave with a proper attitude and that they resolve any outstanding issues, if at all possible. Church-hopping is definitely not God’s plan. Moving to a new church needs a lot of prayer and appropriate counsel.

When people leave our local church and join another church, we must continue to love them and treat them as brothers or sisters in Christ.

Discern, Don't Judge

It's amazing and saddening to see the amount of literature that has been produced in recent decades by Christians that is aimed at judging other churches or ministries and even going to the extreme of labelling them “demonic” or “of the devil.”

Yes, it is important to “contend for the faith once delivered to the saints” (Jude 3) and stand for truth. However, we must focus on the fundamentals of Scripture and the essential doctrines of the Christian faith, not on minor controversial issues. We should also do everything in the spirit of Christ, which requires a loving and sensitive approach when speaking about other Christian ministries.

The Bible does tell us to test all things and to hold on to the good and let the bad go (1 Thessalonians  5:21-22). 1 John 4:1-3 also tells us to test the spirits and to not believe everything we hear. We should test churches and ministries by what they say about Jesus - who He is and what he has done. We should, however, place final judgement on nothing before its time (1 Corinthians 4:5. James 4:10-12). God is the true judge, and each person will stand before Him (not us) and give account for all they have done.

Christian love requires us to avoid a critical attitude that is quick to pull down and point out flaws in other people and their ministries (Matthew 7:1-5). Instead of judging, Jesus tells us to examine the fruit or results of a person or ministry.

Derek Prince recommends five key things that we should look for when discerning whether any church, ministry or so-called “move of God” is genuine or not (from his booklet Uproar in the Church published by Derek Prince Ministries). Here they are:

1. The fruit of repentance. Are people turning from sin to God?
2. Respect for the Scriptures. Is God’s Word being respected, valued and taught?
3. Exaltation of Jesus. Is Jesus being lifted up and magnified?
4. Love for other Christians. Is there a growing love for other believers?
5. Loving concern for the unreached. Is there a focus on reaching people for Christ?

A tree is known by its fruit. We may not always recognise or understand how the Spirit moves, but we can know the evidence of the Spirit's work. Is the fruit something that looks like the Holy Spirit?

Derek Prince goes on to say, “If a significant number of Christians in the current move (or church or ministry) successfully passes all, or most, of the five tests, then it is safe to conclude that this is, essentially, a move of God. However, this does not mean that everyone or everything in it is faultless. God has no faultless people to work with, but it is amazing what He can do with those totally surrendered to Him, though weak and fallible.” (Please also note that the devil does not want these five things to happen!)

We see this gracious attitude portrayed so beautifully in the advice that Gamaliel gave to the Pharisees when they were considering persecuting the early church. In Acts 5:33-39, he tells them that, if this ministry is not of God, it will die down and come to nothing. However, if it is of God, they should leave it alone lest they be seen as fighting against God.

We would be wise to take his advice today as we observe other ministries and churches.

Todd Bentley and the Lakeland 'Revival' Meetings

Some of you might be aware of some 'revival' meetings that are currently taking place in Lakeland, Florida, led by a man named Todd Bentley, from Fresh Fire Ministries. Meetings take place each night and thousands of people are now attending, coming from all over America and even other nations of the world. In addition, through his live web-cast, many thousands of other people in other cities are watching in and participating in the meetings. The meetings are now also being broadcast international on GOD.TV. Some people are likening these meetings to the renewal movements that happened in Toronto and Pensacola over the last decade.

So is this a real 'revival'? There are mixed reports.

On the positive side, there are reports of healings and miracles taking place, with some claiming that people have even been raised from the dead. There are also reports of people coming to Christ.   

On the other hand, there are also some concerns being voiced. In fact, there is a lot of controversy surrounding all of this (just do an internet search and you'll find out).

• Todd speaks a lot about angels and his interaction with them. He speaks about the release of 'angels of prosperity'. He claims to have spoken with a female angel named Emma and that the angel who spoke with William Branham is now walking with him. The Apostle Paul warned about preoccupation with angels (Colossians 2:16f).
• Todd also speaks a lot about 'out-of-body' experiences, claiming to have visited heaven and spoken with the Apostle Paul. 
• There is a lot of focus on the 'anointing' and the need to 'come and get it'. Obviously, impartation is a Biblical concept but we need to emphasise what we already have in the person of the Holy Spirit living within believers, rather than an over-emphasis on pilgrimages to other places to catch something.
• Some people are concerned about the self-promotion in the revival with apparent claims that this is the 'greatest revival in history'.

So what do we do about all of this?

A few suggestions:

1. Give it time. Follow the advice of Gamaliel (Acts 5:33-39). If this ministry is not of God, it will die down and come to nothing. If it is of God, leave it alone lest you be seen as fighting against God.
2. Take time to see what the fruit of all of this is. Jesus said that we should judge things by their fruit not by their gifts (Matthew 7:15-23).
3. Test everything through the Scriptures. Be like the Bereans believers who even checked out what the Apostle Paul was teaching to see if it lined up with God's Word (Acts 17:11).

Tomorrow ... the difference between 'judgment and discernment'.